Affirmations Director: Fighting for All of My Civil Rights

y road to finding comfort in my own skin has been long, winding and sometimes unsettling. I've spent a fair amount of time worrying about the fallout from my sexuality being "found out." My fear was once so great I actually pondered suicide. Thankfully, my love for God's gift of life proved stronger.

Yes, I said "God."

With each passing year, my relationship with God grows stronger, and I count faith among my greatest treasures. But my relationship with organized religion remains tenuous at best.

As a preteen, I remember sitting in church and being told that my sexual orientation was an express ticket to hell; that I, a kid, represented a key attack on the foundation of the Black family and was unwelcome in the house of the Lord-a house I considered my home, too.

I prayed more times than I care to remember begging God to remove feelings of attraction. I remember watching TV with my family, willing myself not to be attracted to the men I saw on screen. "Don't feel anything. Don't find men good looking. Don't feel!" And when efforts failed, I was angry with God and myself.

It was years later when I learned to accept that I was the master's creation and that he didn't make mistakes. I was finally able to fully accept myself.

Unfortunately, this inner struggle rages on for so many Black men and women.

As the first Black executive director of metro Detroit's LGBT community center, Affirmations in Ferndale, I will actively seek out opportunities for open and honest discussions within the Black community about homosexuality. I will work to create an atmosphere in which Black men and women-my brothers and sisters-can stand in their truth.

I am Black. I am gay. I am not ashamed of being either. And neither was a choice.

Like it or not, the LGBT movement in Michigan is moving forward. If the Supreme Court strikes down the ban on same-sex marriage as I hope, marriage equality will soon be a reality here as it is in nearly 40 states.

Far too many Black men and women remain hidden in the closet, afraid to discuss their sexuality within their own families for fear of being rebuked or rebuffed by the people whose love and acceptance matters most. Hyper-sensitive views on Black male masculinity within our community, a lack of understanding that being gay is not a lifestyle choice and the continued espousal of some churches that homosexuality is somehow an attack on family-all continue to spur homophobia. Marriage equality continues to be incorrectly viewed as a religious act, instead of the legal contract that it is. I fear that, within our community, the needle still hasn't moved enough from where it stood when I was 12 years old.

Our community continues to be under siege. Our fathers, sons and brothers are in prison. Our public education system is seemingly bound and determined to leave our young Black people woefully unprepared. And yet I continue to be amazed, and beyond disappointed, that so many of us continue to waste precious time attacking members of our own "family." Perhaps, if we left matters of people's sexuality between them and God (where it belongs!), we could place our focus on counteracting real threats to our community.

LGBT people have been here since the beginning of time. We aren't going anywhere and-like others who have been marginalized, disenfranchised and dehumanized-we will continue to fight with full-throated vigor for our rights.

This isn't just a fight for my community. It is a fight for your community, and we all deserve support. With time, reflection and continued honest dialogue, I remain hopeful more members of the Black community will begin to do just that. 

DARRIOUS D. HILMON IS EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF AFFIRMATIONS IN FERNDALE